Today, 16 days after the deadline for submitting grades, my final grade from last semester was finally posted and, with that, all of my hopes for actually succeeding in lawschool have been thoroughly - but I'm sure only temporarily - dashed. Very humanely, 2 of my teachers made little speeches about how all of us must be good students or else we wouldn't be here, and how some of us, because of the curve had to get the first C's of our lives and how we shouldn't take it so hard, blah, blah, blah. Somehow that only made me feel worse... that my (to my mind) utter failure was to be expected, was mandated by the school's policies, didn't surprise anyone. Everyone keeps telling me that I should use this as an opportunity to find out what I did wrong and how I can improve for next time, but my current 2.30 GPA feels like a big ol' load of shot right in the gut and I doubt I'll be able to shake that feeling if/when I see (please, God) some sort of improvement after this semester. The worst bit is that I've lost confidence and faith in my abilities. I know everyone here is fairly smart, but it makes me feel ultra-dumb that people I had pegged as sure to not do well (or at least as well as me) totally kicked my ass. Naturally, I've only told a couple people here what I actually got b/c I wouldn't be able to show my face around here anymore. I definitely feel less social now, as if people somehow know that I'm inferior and will be mean to me... like my GPA is written on my face. So, sorry for the bummer blog, but I guess my point is that I suck and, therefore, I'm sad and all of you should buy me a drink ;)
Posted by Kristina at January 28, 2004 09:59 AMAwww sweetie.
Drinks are on me. Send me the bill.
That's entirely disheartening. But try and remember that what your teachers are saying is also fairly true. Law school is a bitch. It *has* to be. But you are a most capable individual, and will surely bounce back, even stronger than before! Don't let it cast doubt on your own abilities.
Well, a little doubt is okay. But then go out and get nice and drunk, and you'll remember how much you actually rock. I like that about you when you're drunk.
Posted by: kati at January 28, 2004 11:26 AM